I was perusing the July 1, 2009 Bozone looking for what is happening in the music scene.  As I was turning the pages I came across The EcoZone pages in the middle.  The pages that are tinted light green so as to remind you that the absurdities that appear here are validated by the green movement and therefore are not to be laughed at.  The soothing green and the action verb headlines provide those who feel insecure about their allotted time on this planet the deluded notion that they have control over their fate.  One of these headlines was “Grilling Green.”  Anyway, they emphatically believe these scientists because they are scientists and a bunch of them agree with each other, like we haven’t heard that before.

In contradiction they seemingly ignore the majority of scientists who agree that most negative health issues are genetically driven.  This accounts for the 84 year old mechanic who worked daily for 32 years with solvents and lubricants containing cancer causing carcinogens while standing in an enclosed area breathing in gas fumes and maintaining his 6 packs a day Marlboro love affair.

In the above example smoking around the flammable liquids present in a garage and falling asleep with a cig in your hand might just increase the risk of a shorter lifespan.   Conversely, grilling green will not significantly add to the probability of a longer lifespan.   Now, I am not saying eating well, exercise and being cautious (good driving skills) will not improve your chances of living longer, should something else not kill you first.  But you can keep that extra three months you bought through a restrictive lifestyle to languish in a hospital bed unable to control your veggie pampered bowels wishing you had eaten meat-lover’s pizza more often.

The amount of worrying one does regarding over-charred meat, what type of method you will chose to grill with.  If you chose charcoal, what type and how you light it, is all nonsense.  If you are really worried about such things take it to the full level and BBQ in a spacesuit!

 This excessive analysis of every single thing you do is sick and ineffectual.  You might be careful when you begin to charcoal but after a few beers caution will fall to the wayside.  You will fire up a bowl, inhale 65 unknown chemicals and pass it around to share not only the buzz but the bacterial microbes, even the microbes of the guy with bad teeth, questionable sexual appetites and lingering tongue sores.  In this feel good state of mind you will speak ill of those who are ignoring the fragility of the planet while you brag about your mouse sized carbon foot print, catching rain water, green grilling techniques and the use mulch instead of gravel.

Get this through your green indoctrinated minds.  The planet will be here long after we are.  You cannot build a better planet.  You will die just like the rest of us.  You will return to the dirt and eventually no one will know you existed.  Unless some visiting life form happens upon your grave thousands of years from now and finds nothing but your bones and the non-biodegradable bottoms of the eco-sandals you bought.

Peace